thoughts
bodies
cinema etc can be a gigantic trap to find yourself completely ugly, or maybe not completely, but wondering
I watched yesterday a biopic about Anaïs Nin, June and Henry Miller. Where I expected Anaïs Nin's experiences to free me I felt rather sick of watching all that supposedly perfect flesh and weeping. I'm sure it is because of the way it has been filmed.
to look at my own body and wondering what parts I like or dislike and why. trying to know also what feels good to the touch or less. what I can't change and why I would like to have it different anyway. all that I am thankful for. what I don't want to hide and feel ashamed of. what looks funny in certain angles.
I guess people who have "beautiful" bodies work a lot for it. that's why I feel better when I try to work with it. or I feel shitty when I don't. it is either... or.
hiding and shame can be sooo exhausting.
some people say : celebrate your body.
I feel more comfortable thinking that I choose to be nice with it. caress it when it needs it. treat it like a babie's body. noone ever thinks babie's flesh and fat is something shameful. people mostly want to grab it and be amazed by it. so.